<![CDATA[Family Recovery Partners

<![CDATA[Family Recovery Partners - Blog]]>Fri, 17 Apr 2020 02:08:04 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[Why Family Members need recovery, too]]>Wed, 13 Feb 2019 22:16:21 GMThttp://familyrecoverypartners.com/blog/why-family-members-need-recovery-too

Before my training in BALM Family Recovery Coaching, someone recommended the book, “Recovery - The Sacred Art. The 12 Steps as Spiritual Practice” by Rami Shapiro. Ugh. Not the 12 Steps. I’d been to a few AlAnon meetings years before. While the people were wonderful, there was much to learn, and I understood how valuable the program is to so many, it wasn’t the right fit for me. Just opening the book was going to be a challenge.

Why should I read this book? After all, I wasn’t the one with the addiction. I don’t drink, smoke, gamble or use drugs. My relationship with food is okay. Working out has never been, nor will it ever be, an addictive behavior for me (although it would be nice to come to a doable middle ground in this area).

I opened the book with some resistance. Convince me, I thought. Tell me why I should read this book. And there it was, on the second page of the introduction:

   “The real disease from which almost all of us suffer is the disease of playing God, of thinking we are, or should be in control of what happens to us in life. As long as you maintain the illusion, you are fine, but eventually and inevitably life slips out of control, and you are faced with a very difficult choice: Quit playing God, and abandon the delusion of life’s controllability, or find some way to escape reality and maintain the illusion that you are in control.

    "Most of us opt for the latter. Rather than admit that we are powerless over life, we redouble our efforts to regain control… Our quest for control always ends up in exhaustion and failure.”

And since who we are and how we respond to life begins with our thoughts, Shapiro adds this:

   “Because the root cause of your action is your thinking, the deep cure must focus not only on the body and its behavior, but also on the mind and its thoughts.”

Nailed it. I was in, hook, line and sinker. We are addicted to control, pure and simple. BALM (Be A Loving Mirror) states, “It is important to let go without giving up or giving in.” You let go of the belief that you caused your loved one’s addiction and that you can cure it. You cannot control another, you can only control yourself. You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control how you react and respond.

It is the last part, how you react and respond that is crucial. This is where you have the ability to influence those you love. Notice the word ‘influence’, rather than control. You are letting go of control and opting for influence instead.

You do not give up on your loved one, or give in. Giving up means abandoning them and the relationship. Giving in means abandoning your boundaries and your integrity. It sometimes means taking what feels like the easy way out, but it enables your loved one’s addiction - and you end up with more of what you don’t want.

What does this influence look like? It is the opposite of giving up and giving in.

   * You create boundaries which make it clear where your line is. “I will do this and no more.”
   * You share the facts of what you see, without judgment and lecturing.
   * You begin to see your loved one as more than his or her addiction, creating a relationship
based on love, rather than fear.
   * You pull your life together, so your loved one sees that he or she is not your sole source of
happiness and satisfaction in life. (This is a heavy burden we place on others).
   * It is breaking through your loved one’s denial, in a loving and respectful way.

Although I did not embrace all of the 12-Step model, there is one thing I wholeheartedly took from it - the Serenity Prayer. The beginning of the prayer summarizes the mindset to take us through difficult times when our urge is to control:

   God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
   courage to change the things I can;
   and wisdom to know the difference.

Wishing you the peace that grows from letting go.

=========================================

Want to learn more about how to be your loved one's best chance at recovery?
1) Schedule your confidential consultation. Contact me at fern@familyrecoverypartners.com.
2) Get started by downloading Chapter 1 of "BALM - The Loving Path to Family Recovery".

]]><![CDATA[There's more to recovery than motivation]]>Wed, 13 Sep 2017 20:53:15 GMThttp://familyrecoverypartners.com/blog/theres-more-to-recovery-than-motivation

Motivation to change, for any behavior or habit, isn’t just about desire and self-control. Motivation is ever-changing. At any given moment, something else can take priority. You are affected by a multitude of needs and wants, both yours and the people in your orbit.

The month of January is full of discarded new year’s resolutions. What behavior or habit have you tried to change, and how successful were you? How many times did a particular goal show up on that list of resolutions? If you’re like many people, permanent change is elusive. You try, fail, try again, and fail again. (It isn’t really a failure, rather a lack of readiness to accomplish your goal.)

Now imagine someone working at recovery. Addiction is a disease of the brain, and recovery is more complex than keeping your desk clean or getting enough exercise . Dr. Stephen Gilman, MD, an addiction specialist in NYC, states that ‘there is a high rate of relapse for opiate addiction. At one year after stopping opiates, there is an 85% chance of relapse.” With other substances there is a wide range. “Alcohol relapse depends on the individual, but can range from 30-70%.”

Those are staggeringly high numbers. If your loved one has been in and out of treatment centers, you understand these statistics. How do motivation and other factors affect recovery?

First understand that treatment is step one of recovery. A person undergoing 30, 60 or 90 days of treatment is ridding his body of substances and beginning to understand the disease and what brought him to substance use. He may also be learning new strategies for living clean and sober.
Keep in mind, though, that a residential treatment program is a bubble of sorts, where the responsibilities and stressors of everyday life are absent. Most of the people, places, and things that trigger the desire to use are outside the bubble. It’s easier to have a higher level of motivation while in treatment.

Now your loved one leaves treatment, and hopefully, his motivation to stay clean is high. If he doesn’t go on to an IOP (intensive outpatient program) or sober living home, there is nothing between him and the world where it all started. Even if he does have a transitional program, there are no guarantees he will be able to maintain long-term recovery. This is the nature of the disease of addiction. It is unlike many other diseases where following a regimen and taking your meds can cure you.

What are risk factors for addiction relapse?

Dr. Gilman goes on to say, “A powerful need to stimulate reward centers within the brain can be the trigger point for an addict who is used to getting a certain drug. Both external and internal factors can create the urge to use drugs or alcohol again.” In other words, things happen and thoughts occur that are difficult to deal with, and the brain craves something, the drug, to alleviate the pain.

This need can far outweigh motivation, logic and knowledge about the dangers of addiction and relapse. The brain knows what it needs and is determined to get what it wants.
Upon returning to the ’real’ world, your loved one faces many challenges, things that may seem ordinary and more manageable to you:
   * bouncing back from stress or sadness
   * fatigue due to the mental and emotional effort required to make healthier choices
   * the social acceptability of drinking
   * isolation and feeling different from others
   * the expectations of ‘normal’ life from family and friends

What helps a person with Substance Use Disorder (SUD) keep his motivation up to maintain a clean, sober and fulfilling life?

   * ongoing supports such as IOP, sober living, NA, AA, Smart Recovery, therapy, recovery coach, meditation, healthy diet, etc.
   * alcohol free social venues and events
   * understanding the many aspects of addiction
   * having a plan in case of relapse. (Known as a WRAP - Wellness Recovery Action Plan - this
      document includes a daily wellness plan, identifying triggers and their warning signs, and a list of
      people who can provide additional support. There are action plans for every step.) A WRAP can
      help a ‘slip up’ from becoming a full-blown relapse.
   * family members who have a commitment to learning about this disease, and to making changes
   in how they talk to and relate to their loved one.
    * having meaningful and satisfying goals
    * experiencing small successes and building on them

Motivation is a key component of change; however, it requires a foundation of knowledge, awareness, preparation and support in order to be successful. Use this information to support the person you love so dearly. You can influence their ongoing journey to long-term recovery.

==========================

To learn more about the WRAP and creating a relationship that contributes to their recovery, schedule your confidential consultation by writing to me at fern@familyrecoverypartners.com.

]]><![CDATA[Do They have to hit rock bottom?]]>Tue, 15 Aug 2017 15:59:21 GMThttp://familyrecoverypartners.com/blog/do-they-have-to-hit-rock-bottom

We're all familiar with the phrase 'hitting rock bottom', especially as it applies to alcoholics and addicts. "They have to hit rock bottom in order to change." What does 'rock bottom' mean, and is it necessary for the addict to hit it?

As low as you can go. A completely unbearable place. No more options. But defining rock bottom is problematic; it means something different to every person.

If you can't pay the rent, nobody will take you in, and you have an intense fear of being homeless, this could be rock bottom. Being arrested for possession might be a turning point for some. For others, four arrests have no effect on their choices. One person may do a turnaround when faced with losing his children. Another may continue on the downward spiral. There is no one rock bottom.

Denial plays a big role here, for both the addict and the family. The person experiencing the disease of Substance Use Disorder denies that he has a problem, that his life is unmanageable.

The family may be in denial, too, making excuses for their using loved one, and ignoring the impact it has on the family system. Family members often become rescuers, picking up the pieces. They are unwittingly enabling their loved one to continue using. And the fall continues.

So what do you do? Do you wait and wait for the worst to happen (whatever that means)? Do you leave it up to your loved one to come to his senses? In the BALM (Be A Loving Mirror) Family Program, we say 'No!'

* The BALM teaches us that an intervention can be prevention, preventing the disease from progressing.
* We learn that we have the ability to influence our loved one to move out of denial and into a desire to live a different life. (Notice that I said 'influence' and not 'control'. You cannot control another.)
* We become aware of our own denial; of when we enable instead of help.
* We do not wring our hands and hope for the best. Hoping will not make it so.
* We learn to share the facts of what we see and hear, with respect and love.
* We learn to set boundaries in order to reduce enabling and to maintain our health, integrity and peace of mind.
* We learn that hitting rock bottom in not the only way for our loved one to wake up.

Being passive in the face of this disease that has taken husbands, wives, sons, daughters, parents and friends is no longer acceptable. Of course, there are no guarantees for anything in life, let alone recovery from addiction; however, we can have a positive impact on our loved ones when we apply the principles and tools of the BALM. Let's make rock bottom a little less rocky.

]]><![CDATA[Healthy Boundaries protect *you*]]>Fri, 23 Jun 2017 14:08:32 GMThttp://familyrecoverypartners.com/blog/healthy-boundaries-protect-you

A lot of folks have difficulty with establishing healthy boundaries. We do too much for others and become attached to the results. This can turn into resentment, anger, disappointment and exhaustion, and we're still not getting the results we want. So if nothing changes (for the better) in spite of our good intentions, it's time to change what we're doing.

Interestingly enough, setting boundaries between us and the person we love will enhance our life, and maybe theirs, too. Doing less and engaging less can benefit all of us.

==========================

Setting healthy boundaries, or any boundaries at all, has not come easily to me. For a long time, they didn’t come at all. And lest you think this began when someone I love was using, think again. This was a long-standing pattern.

I spent a lot of my life looking for approval. Whoever I thought you wanted me to be, that’s who I was, and I lost little pieces of me along the way. Not many boundaries in that real-life scenario.

Now add a using loved one to that picture. I know you can relate to this. What wouldn’t we do to maintain the lie that it was just a phase, that tomorrow would be better, that we could fix it? We’d give anything and do anything. We’d compromise our inner knowing and our principles. Fear ruled, and overruled our better judgment. We stopped setting boundaries because we were afraid of the worst-case outcomes. In situations like this, all the lines are blurred and there are no boundaries. Everyone is in chaos.

What are boundaries, anyway? How are they different from limits?

A good place to begin is understanding what a boundary is, and the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries.

A boundary is something you put in place to protect YOU. It’s the line in the sand that establishes where you end, and the other person begins. A boundary says, this is what I will tolerate or not, engage in or not, do or not do in order to look out for myself. Setting a boundary affirms that you matter at least as much as the person in front of you.

A limit is usually something measurable (curfew, time on devices, what you’ll pay for). It’s often confused with a boundary, and can fall in the category of an unhealthy boundary.

Healthy vs Unhealthy Boundaries

An unhealthy boundary is all about other people. It becomes about controlling them and how to stop their undesirable behavior, words or attitude. This usually backfires.

A healthy boundary is one that focuses on you and your needs. Someone says or does something that impacts you negatively (be it physical, mental, emotional or spiritual). You decide what you need and what you can do to restore your sense of equilibrium, calm and control over your own life.

Here’s an example:

Your loved one drinks heavily, especially at night. He comes in very late, after midnight, making noise and disrupting your sleep. You are exhausted and frustrated. It’s difficult to wake up and get out on time, and your brain is foggy at work.

        Unhealthy boundary:
        “You come in late and make noise. You’re breaking things and throwing up. You can’t do
        do this anymore! It’s inconsiderate. It’s bad for you and bad for me. I’m taking away
        your car keys.”

        Healthy boundary:
        “I really need sleep and don’t want to be woken up at night. I’ve asked you many times to
        come in earlier and more quietly, but you’re still coming in very late and making a lot of
        noise. It’s affecting my health, my work and my mood. Starting tonight the door will be
        locked at midnight, and you’ll have to find somewhere else to sleep if it's later than that..”

Can you feel the difference? There are no anger and resentment in the words of the healthy boundary. It is simply a statement of facts and can be delivered neutrally (if not always with love).   If we go back to a fundamental idea about relationships - that you can only control yourself, your words, your feelings and attitudes - it makes perfect sense. Take it back to the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to the know the difference.

All three components of the Serenity Prayer are part of setting healthy boundaries, and they are empowering.

One more thing about setting healthy boundaries: you must be 100% committed to following through. No wiggle room. If not, you are teaching that your word is not your word, and you will not be taken seriously. In that case, it’s better not to establish a boundary at all.

And finally, script out what you want to say. Practice it with a friend or coach for wording and tone. You cannot predict the response of the person to whom you’re delivering the message, but you’ll know you’ve done everything possible to set and follow through with a healthy boundary.

============

P.S. Setting healthy boundaries is an integral part of your, and your loved one's, recovery. This is the work of the BALM - Be A Loving Mirror - Family Comprehensive.

If you are ready to get some self-care and sanity back, as well as be a positive influence on your loved one's recovery, contact me to learn more about the BALM Family Comprehensive. fern@familyrecoverypartners.com

]]><![CDATA[What to Expect when your child comes home from treatment]]>Mon, 15 May 2017 22:44:43 GMThttp://familyrecoverypartners.com/blog/what-to-expect-when-your-child-comes-home-from-treatment

Thirty, sixty, ninety days. Clean and sober. They're in recovery, fixed, and all's right with the world, right? No, no, and no. The process of long-term recovery is just beginning. Careful planning is necessary to transition back to what you might call a normal life. And when your child comes home from treatment, things have to be different. If nothing changes in the family and your child's environment, then not much changes for your child. What does all this look like?

If your child is over 18, he can go to an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) for several months. A sober living house or college with a student recovery program is a great option. These are critical programs to help him transition from treatment back to the 'real world'. Why are they necessary?

Think about how difficult it is to change a habit on a good day. Now imagine giving up the substances that have controlled your life and helped you cope (even though they were a life-threatening coping strategy). This is a disease of the brain, and your loved one needs a great deal of support, understanding, sense of purpose, self-awareness, tools and new habits. This is not '21 days to change a habit'. Information ("Here's why this is bad for me") is not enough.

If your child is under 18, she must be in an educational setting. It's the law. A sober living home is not an option. Unless you can afford a private or therapeutic boarding school, or there is a recovery high school nearby, she comes right back to the home, school and community where it all started. In 12-step programs they talk about changing people, places and things. That's difficult to do when your child comes back home from treatment.

Now they're home. How do you support them?

Learn all you can about the disease of addiction and recovery. It will change how you see the effort your child is making to change his life.

Let go of some expectations. Did you know that for someone in early recovery it takes 80% of their energy just to get up in the morning and start the day... and resist the urge to use? Be patient. This is a process.

Let go of the expectation that they're going to jump right into family life, chores, and a schedule. It will take time, as long as a year to get their footing in this new, substance-free life.

Now consider this: life is full of stress and uncertainty. You know because you're living it. Some days it takes all your energy and focus to handle it all. Imagine what it's like for your child.

Remember that the teenage/young adult brain is still developing, especially in the area of decision-making. Now add to it that the emotional age of your child is stuck at the age when he first began to use drugs and alcohol. Catching up will take time.

Work on your own recovery. "My what?" I can hear you saying. "I don't have a problem. My child/parent/spouse is the one with the problem." I learned a long time ago that we are all addicts of a sort. We are addicted to control, of people and outcomes. We have a vision of how our child's life is supposed to go. When it doesn't, many of us jump in to fix, manage and protect.

Sadly, with the best of intentions, you may have eaten away at your child's ability to take care of his own life. Learn to determine when your intervention or help is necessary or wanted, or not.

And finally, learn a new way of relating to, and communicating with, your child. What you say and do, and how you say and do it, can have a great impact on your relationship and your child's recovery. There are ways to see your child through the lens of love, rather than the fear of relapse.

And where there is love, everything is possible.

]]><![CDATA[Do's and Don'ts while your child is in treatment (Part 1)]]>Sun, 15 Jan 2017 02:00:02 GMThttp://familyrecoverypartners.com/blog/dos-and-donts-while-your-child-is-in-treatment-part-1

Bigstockphoto.com

You realize that your child is drinking or drugging or both. After the shock wears off, you reach out, get referrals, and consult with a treatment center. Somehow your son or daughter goes, or is taken, to an impatient treatment program, and you take your first deep breath in a long time. Aaahh.

It's a relief to know that your child is in a safe place, getting help to detox and to begin the journey of self-examination and healing. Now what about you? What should you be doing while your child is in treatment? What should you NOT be doing?

Your first priority is to support the team and recommendations of the treatment center. There will be many aspects of the program and facility that your teen or young adult will not like. You will likely get phone calls and messages about how terrible the food is, how lumpy the pillows are, how demanding the staff is. Be prepared to hear, "Get me out of here!"

This is normal. Most don't want to be there. Coming to terms with their addiction, the impact on family and friends, and contemplating life without the crutch of their drug of choice is hard, hard work. Be prepared.

Also be prepared to support the decisions and recommendations of the treatment team. You entrusted your child to them because this was a problem too big for you to handle. They know things you don't know, and have experience with kids just like yours. This is what they were trained to do, this is their mission. Help them do their job, so they can give your child the best start to a clean and sober life.

What not to do?
- Do not call the team asking for special privileges.
- Do not tell your child you will intervene on his behalf.
- Do not give in to his pleas, promises, or threats and withdraw him from the program (unless you see signs of gross negligence or have concerns that treatment needs are not being met, i.e. consideration of co-occuring disorders (COD)).

What to do?
- Tell the staff that you support them and their recommendations.
- Tell your child that you trust the staff to be the experts at this process.
-Acknowledge that it is hard for him.
-Express optimism that he can do this.
- In quieter moments, share memories that make you both smile. Share memories that show you see him as more than an addict; stories that confirm that inside he is still the same kind, loving, generous and funny person he always was. Because there are no bad kids, there are just kids who have lost their way.

(In Part 2 of Do's and Don'ts While Your Child is in Treatment, I'll be talking about how to prepare for when your child returns home.)

]]><![CDATA[Warning signs that your teen is using drugs or alcohol]]>Tue, 27 Dec 2016 08:19:32 GMThttp://familyrecoverypartners.com/blog/warning-signs-that-your-teen-is-using-drugs-or-alcohol

The surveys and statistics bear it out: teens are misusing drugs and alcohol at younger and younger ages. Parents are often unaware that it’s begun, since the warning signs can take time to appear. The physical, emotional and behavioral changes come on gradually.

Now consider that whatever you are aware of is probably the tip of the iceberg. Even if your teen or young adult finally admits that s/he is using, you’re not getting the whole story. What sounds like experimentation may be a habit. Not every teen who uses becomes a full-blown addict. Some turn things around on their own, while others are mired deeper and deeper in addiction. There’s no way to know, until you know. You don’t want to take that chance, so recognizing the signs and acting on that knowledge is crucial.

Keep in mind that drug use is often the symptom you see for an underlying issue. Many teens are struggling with anxiety, depression, isolation, social and academic pressures, low self-esteem, social media/gaming, and family issues (such as divorce, illness and addiction). It’s no wonder that some turn to drugs and alcohol to numb their feelings and find acceptance.

Well-informed and observant parents can make a big difference in catching this early. Intervention is prevention, so here are some signs to pay attention to:

PHYSICAL EVIDENCE

There's a world of paraphernalia out there (and hidden in your home). If you have suspicions, be on the lookout for butane lighters, baggies, roach clips, bongs, crumpled balls of tin foil (and check for resin/residue).

Visine is their go-to for bloodshot eyes, which is among the first signs of using (often for marijuana). Many carry Visine in a pocket, glove compartment or purse. Yes, remember to check the car.

The smell! You all know what alcohol and pot smell like. Don’t be fooled when your teen tells you you’re smelling incense. And if it really is incense (and using it is new), it’s most likely to cover up the smell of pot.

Have pills, alcohol and other drugs gone missing? This is an easy way for kids to begin experimenting - with substances they find in their own, or someone else's, home. When a toddler swallows them, it's accidental. When a teen takes them, it's intentional. Keep them out of reach by locking them up.

Notice their body. The effects of drugs and alcohol have noticeable physical effects. Marijuana may cause sudden weight gain because it increases appetite and decreases activity levels. Cocaine and crack can cause sudden weight loss.

Meth causes tooth decay, sores, insomnia, sallow skin color, constipation and paranoia. And look out for a change in the smell of their breath.

CHANGES IN BEHAVIOR

You know your child and his habits and performance best. One of the first things you may notice is that motivation and grades are down. Apathy about schoolwork sets in or increases. Pay attention to this sign. Something else is going on, whether it's a real academic challenge or an emotional struggle.

Does your child have new friends? Is he hanging around with the unmotivated kids with the 'bad' reputation? Take note. He is gravitating to the kids with low-to-no expectations of him. If he's using with them, he's just one of the guys. When a teen is feeling insecure and lonely, all he wants is to belong somewhere, where there is no pressure. This group welcomes him, no questions asked.

A using teen will avoid family activities. Whether it's family gatherings, dinner out, or the movies, your child prefers, insists on staying in her room, door closed. She's withdrawn and uncommunicative. There might as well be a sign on the door - Stay Out! Don't Pay Attention to Me! Combined with other evidence and behavior changes, this is actually an invitation for you to intervene. She'll deny it, but it is a call for help. She can't fix this herself.

Your child may also be irritable and have violent outbursts. You may be surprised at his reaction when you make a simple request or offer a benign comment. He is highly emotional and unpredictable. Yelling, breaking things, punching holes in the wall, and storming out of the house are not uncommon reactions.

She's neglecting her appearance. Notice changes in hygiene and dress. Wearing dirty clothes and being apathetic about bathing, skin and hair are signs of poor self-image.

FINANCIAL CONCERNS (theirs and yours)

Missing money. When you notice money is missing from your wallet, start keeping track. Drugs and alcohol cost money, which most teens don’t have. Your child will tell you you’re crazy, just imagining it, or that you spent it yourself. Not wanting to believe their child is stealing from them, most parents will second-guess themselves. This is called denial. When you are in denial, you contribute to your child’s addiction.

The 'cheap highs'. Huffing is an inexpensive way to get high with products found at home. Common among younger teens, inhalants come in third behind alcohol and tobacco as the most used substances. Inhalants (found in spray cans) include air freshener, whipped cream, spray paint and hairspray. They contain butane or toluene, which can cause serious damage to the brain, bone marrow, kidneys and liver. Other cheap highs come from glue, paint thinners and markers. All of them can be deadly.

What do you do when you see multiple warning signs? First you document what you have seen and heard. Remember that your child will deny it all so you’ll leave him alone and he can continue to use, and that there is likely something else going on that needs attention, intervention and/or treatment. It’s your job to be an observer and have the facts so you can get help if it’s needed.

What does that help look like? There are many professionals and resources who want to support your family when you suspect drug and alcohol misuse/abuse: guidance counselor, student assistance counselor, police liaison to the school (SRO - Student Resource Officer). They can refer you to therapists, drug counselors, a substance abuse assessment, treatment facilities, recovery coaches, therapeutic boarding schools, wilderness programs and more. There is a huge network to help you tackle this as a family.

The more you know, the sooner you can catch it. Pay attention to the warning signs. Through the anger, denial and pain, your child is counting on you to have your eyes wide open.

=============

Are you seeing multiple warning signs? Contact me for a no-fee consultation. I help parents navigate through their hopes and fears, focus on investigating options, find calm in the chaos, and learn to relate to their child in a way that promotes recovery.

]]><![CDATA[Are you your kids' supplier? What you *Must* know about RX drug abuse.]]>Thu, 21 Jul 2016 19:18:46 GMThttp://familyrecoverypartners.com/blog/are-you-your-kids-supplier-what-you-must-know-about-rx-drug-abuseI attended a symposium called “Do No Harm”, a half-day event geared to doctors. While there were moments of medical terminology that were beyond me, for the most part it was understandable, informative, and downright scary. The article, “Are you your kid’s supplier? What you MUST know about prescription drug abuse” is a must read! There is a lot of information (although it is just the tip of the iceberg) and some of it may surprise you, so please read carefully.

This is an epidemic. The number of accidental drug overdose deaths (over 40,000) now exceeds that of automobile fatalities, with as much as 60% attributed to prescription drugs. I’m giving you the highlights, along with links to some sites that can provide more detailed information.

Please don’t take the attitude of “not my kid.” You just never know, and we’re often surprised by who the victims are. The ease with which our children can obtain these drugs, and their relatively blasé attitude about using them should be taken seriously. Even if your child doesn’t use, he or she knows others who do. I guarantee it. I don’t like to use scare tactics, but you must pay attention, for the sake of ALL the children. You need to look out for all of them.

ARE YOU YOUR KID’S SUPPLIER?

When you have surgery or are injured, the doctor readily prescribes painkillers, as many as 30 to start with. Forget for the moment that it’s way more than most people need, and you use few, if any, of the pills. It used to be that you put the bottle in your medicine chest and forgot about it. Months or years later you noticed it, and found all the pills still inside the bottle.

Not so anymore. Your medicine chest is a goldmine for anyone looking for a quick, free fix, and teens and young adults are taking more than their share.

Let’s take a look at some numbers:

– The number of accidental drug overdose deaths (over 40,000) now exceeds that of automobile fatalities, with as much as 60% attributed to prescription drugs.
– There is one death every 20 minutes due to drug overdose.
– Prescription opiates are the conduit to heroin, which is cheap and highly addictive.
– One in six (1/6) teens use prescription drugs to get high.
– The United States prescribes/uses 80% of the world’s supply of medical opiates.
– Every day, about 2,000 teens use prescription drugs for the first time, without a doctor’s supervision.

But those are just numbers. Here’s what you really need to know:

This generation suffers from boredom, entitlement, and the mistaken belief that they must always be happy. When they are without purpose, overindulged, and feeling uncomfortable emotions, there is a general acceptance that it’s okay to use drugs and alcohol to feel something, or to numb the unpleasant feelings. It used to be a big deal to get drunk or high. Now, it’s just something to do. They live in a culture where it’s fun, and another activity to stave off boredom. Using these drugs goes way beyond their original purpose of pain relief.

Too many teens (and adults) mistakenly believe that abusing prescription drugs is safer than illegal drugs. Not so. That’s why prescription drugs are taken under a doctor’s direction. They can have dangerous short- and long-term consequences, not to mention the dangers of mixing them with other drugs and alcohol.

The stereotype of the junkie – poor, homeless, shooting up in an alley – is over. Today’s addict is more likely to be middle- or upper middle-class, living in the suburbs and luxury high-rise as well as the inner city. They include high-functioning executives, moms and dads. Too many of them are our children, or children we know.

What are the most common Rx drugs they are taking, or rather stealing? What are their street names?

Opioids
Oxycodone/Oxycontin, Vicodin, Hydrocodone, Morphine, Fentanyl
(Hillbilly heroin, oxy, OC, perc, happy pills, vikes)

Central Nervous System Depressants (CNS)
Barbiturates – Mebaral, Nembutal
(barbs, reds, red birds, phennies, tooies, yellows, yellow jackets)
Benzodiazepines – Valium, Xanax, Halcion, Ativan
(candy, downers, sleeping pills, tranks)
Sleep Medications – Ambien, Sonata, Lunesta
(A-minus, zombie pills)

Stimulants
Concerta, Adderall, Dexedrine, Ritalin
(Skippy, smart drug, Vitamin R, bennies, black beauties, roses, hearts, speed, uppers)

Where do teens get their prescription drugs?

In a 2012 Monitoring the Future survey, 50% of high school seniors said that it is very easy to get opioid drugs other than heroin (e.g. Oxycontin). Most get them from their own home, friends and relatives. Every medicine cabinet or night table is a potential source of free drugs.

Your babysitter may be going through your meds. Your kids may be looking in Grandma’s bathroom. (Who would have thought that Grandma has a ‘stash’?) Older teens and young adults are showing up at open houses and taking meds from the bathroom.

Kids will empty out medicine cabinets in preparation for a “pharming party.” When they get together at someone’s house, they dump all the pills into a bowl and choose them like brightly-colored M&Ms.

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More information/resources:

Commonly abused drugs, including prescriptions, over-the-counter drugs, and other sources you’ve never thought of.

Slide show to help you identify the pills.

The most addictive prescription drugs on the market.

Top 8 reasons why teens try alcohol and drugs.

Teen pitfall: stress can lead to depression, drug use.

]]><![CDATA[What does it mean to 'let go'?]]>Mon, 18 Jul 2016 10:48:25 GMThttp://familyrecoverypartners.com/blog/what-does-it-mean-to-let-goThe phrase 'let go' has been coming up everywhere I turn. It is tied to self-esteem, resilience, emotional intelligence and every other buzzword for raising children to become self-sufficient, independent and satisfied adults. It most definitely applies to the world of recovery, for both the addict and the family.

The first time I saw this poem, "Letting Go", was at Hyde School. My husband and I were learning to put our attention on us, and to letting our child take responsibility for himself. That's when everything began to change.

I remember being asked to pick one line that resonated with me. One line? Really? Everything in that poem spoke to me! They still do, as these concepts apply to most relationships (including the one with myself).

What speaks to you? Which line (or two, or three) makes you uncomfortable or brings you to tears? That’s the one that most needs your attention. That's the place to begin.

Letting Go (Anonymous)

~ To ‘let go’ does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.

~ To ‘let go’ is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.

~ To ‘let go’ is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

~ To ‘let go’ is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

~ To ‘let go’ is not to try to change another, it’s to make the most of myself.

~ To ‘let go’ is not to care for, but to care about.

~ To ‘let go’ is not to fix, but to be supportive.

~ To ‘let go’ is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

~ To ‘let go’ is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

~ To ‘let go’ is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.

~ To ‘let go’ is not to deny, but to accept.

~ To ‘let go’ is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

~ To ‘let go’ is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish everything in it.

~ To ‘let go’ is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

~ To ‘let go’ is to fear less and love more.

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